Relationship 2.0

The following blog entry is generally about relationships. This first one is focused particularly on the transformation process from living the single life to being in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. The second one is focused on moving on from a past relationship. As a side note a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship may or may not be long-term or "serious". One can think of it as more of a title that is mutually agreed upon by the relevant individuals and define their dynamics by their actions and strong opinions.

I am bothered at the fact that I do not seem to have--at least at the moment--a major activity or hobby that I could be doing outside of school. Nor do I have anything very interesting or unique that I can claim my world. Although one could argue that activities I enjoy such as playing basketball, going to the gym, or having a good time with friends are interesting, I do not allocate enough hours for each individual activity to deem it my "life outside of school". Some have hiking, mountain climbing, swimming, fencing, etc. These are examples of activities or hobbies which I consider worthy of committing countless hours on and claiming it to be your "life outside of school". I have not taken up these are activities or hobbies . I then asked myself: What does my life revolve around? My world, right now, revolves around school. Fortunately, I think many other college students are in the same position. My so-called "world" is school, call it lame or anything, but that is what I have programmed to do for 14 years, it is what this chapter of my life is about , I have grown to like it, and I am good at it. Plus I have a goal that requires for me to go to school and get an education.

When one meets a potential significant other, one person will want to share their world; we share our worlds with one another given that we have worlds to share. It is probably common that when college students get into a relationship, they should not expect that others know what they want or know what their world is to even claim a world of their own. Take two single individuals for example. What if they cannot share their single life or so-called "world" with each other--for reasons previously discussed--then what do they do? Maybe just share, learn, have as much fun as possible with each other, and do things together. Do all these things while you still have each other and are still compatible with each another before you change (since we change due to many sociological factors).

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When a person gets in a relationship, both persons get so much from the each other. When a person changes for the better, learns something useful, or gains something valuable just by being with their significant other, then one should be happy from all these invaluable benefits. The key to appreciating and maintaining relationships is to realize and never forget these benefits. Part of the reason why everything is not lost--nor is time lost--in a real relationship is because of these benefits. Granted that the couple was happy, had good times, and had another person they needed who possessed qualities that complemented their own. It is also quite possible that the person that complements them will only do so at that particular time/stage in their life. Although what if one believed that their previous girlfriend was the one, then that might lead to looking for a new girlfriend that is very similar to the previous one (while keeping in mind the factors related to your previous girlfriend's personality/beliefs that may have caused the initial break up and choosing a person accordingly by avoiding the same mistake twice).

After a break up, one should think of it as the next step to something new, different, and possibly better. This will help you move on to the next chapter in your life (whether or not it includes a relationship soon after). Having filed your void or got what you needed from that person, one can justify moving on from the past relationship to the next person that can help you in life (whether it is to help you better yourself or reach some of your personal goals). One must keep in mind that a relationship must help them in some way and that one benefits from it because otherwise it would not be worth it.

Lastly, I'd like to ask another question: "What if you got all you needed in the particular person you found?"

On Goals

During a deep conversation I had with one of my friends a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned ideas that I related to and agreed with. He said that "his true goal (at the moment) is doing his best in every endeavor". Up to this point I already had a lot of respect for him as he is studying chemical engineering, kept his grades up, successfully ran a marathon, and amidst all his other extra-curricular commitments he is capable of having a good time. His other goals included "having better communication skills and becoming an effective leader". He also mentioned that he "enjoyed the pursuit of reaching a goal." I can relate to these previous statement because setting a goal and genuinely attempting to reach it has always been what my life was about. Whether it is a goal to improve my basketball skills, working out to obtain a more fit body, compete to reach the state level in Academic Decathlon, or to achieve the highest GPA possible.

This reminded me of the notion of fighting for what you believe in or the fact that nothing in life worth fighting for is easy. Life will throw large, hard rocks your way and you face a decision whether or not to fight through them. I firmly believe in working hard towards something and getting something worth it in return--that is related to the inputted work.

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People like to do things the easy way. Daily choices are made with ease in mind (given that they have given thought on which way is easier than the others). Maybe people are this way because people are goal-oriented and they want to finish their current goal in order to begin the next goal or task. People like me are goal-oriented and see some daily decisions as goals. Whether it is to improve my academic life or my athletic life. However, some people may not be as goal-oriented as I am and their daily decisions do not include an underlying goal in mind. Some people are like this because they do not live their daily lives with specific, small goals in mind. Or they do not know what they want and what their goals are. They simply life their lives in such a way where anything they do does not have to have a higher purpose (e.g. playing video games or watching television are for entertainment and relaxation purposes).

New Attitude

I am the kind of person that listens to hard rock music and heavy metal music (e.g. metallica, megadeth). I always liked these genres of music because I appreciated the musicianship of particular artists but also because I let the music carry my emotions. These emotions came from fast-paced rhythms, heavy bass lines, screeching guitar riffs, and growling vocals. Every time I listen to this music I simply feel an surge of energy flow through me that wants me to enjoy punching something or pushing some one (not that I would really do that). I began to ask myself "Am I an angry person?" At first I was in denial as I told myself that I could only be "angry" when I listen to the aforementioned music. Heavy and hard rock music are written for the audience to feel specific emotions. Artists transform their emotions into the form of music. These emotions are dark-themed, angry, anxious, etc. Hence, I realized that I might actually be a bit of an angry person. However, not in a sense where I hate the world or I am incapable of loving. I believe I just need to have a change in attitude. I'd like to try to smile more, be happier, and loving. Not enough people in college are happy. One would be surprised how contagious and how much of an impact a simple smile can do--I would like to know the science behind smiling and it's affect on people. People should also give hugs more often because I believe that human contact is necessary in one's life. According to the hugs for health foundation 4 hugs qualifies for daily survival, 8 for maintenance, and 12 for growth. Let us all be happier, smile more, and give more hugs.

On College

**My following opinions about college were formulated and written down prior to this blog entry.**

9/23/2009

How to be successful in college:

• keep self-motivated & competitive despite the fact that sometimes you don't know your direct competition (due to the large class sizes)
• stay confident, maintain self-esteem, optimistic, & learn how to deal with superiors. (many students get depressed and have problems dealing with the stress of a new environment and classes)
• Hence it is also important to find your niche of friends or support group in college
• Figure out how you study effectively and how to approach material
• It is helpful to have a good work ethic
• As a freshman it's a good idea to try to meet a lot of people
• Time management is an essential skill to possess in order to succeed in college (and also in life) . Do not forget that taking breaks is just as important
• If one can teach the material they just learned to a fellow student, then they are on the right track
  

Difficulty of classes

• With large class sizes, you have a lot of competition and students just as smart or even smarter than you. Plus you don't necessarily see who your competition is.
• Some classes includes students who are cut throat and extremely/maliciously competitive
• The work load isn't anything that I have experienced before. College classes are overall harder and requires more time. Many students come unprepared.
• Going from a small high school to a large university requires a leap in order to adjust.
• There is a difference in professors who are lecturers and those who are researchers
  
• It is helpful to study in groups

College Life

• You are entering a world of change, where many things will become available. College is a culture, one that many students are new to. To some it is a very large lifestyle shock (depending on one's background).
• It is difficult to deal with other stresses of life outside of academics because classes are very demanding by themselves
• I suggest to explore and try new things. Formulate questions that you never asked yourself before and being questioning everything.

When picking a college

• Try and learn more about the departments you got accepted to
  
• Figure out the AP score equivalents
• Try not to have major regrets going to the college of your choice (unless the college was an extremely poor choice). Basically, make with what you have.
• Make sure you know a lot about the college before choosing to attend (e.g. figure out if that college is right for you or if you want a degree from there)

****One should know what one wants to accomplish in college or what you want to make of college and the experiences.****

Week Before "0 Week"

Prior to this week I wasn't in such a blithe mood. It might be due to fatigue and stressful things that I have had to deal with. The sources of my stresses include moving back into UCLA, missing my high school friends, preparing for another year of college, possibly moving from my house in Azusa to a yet to be determined location, my financial woes (i.e. loans), issues with my dad's siblings, and my relationship with Megan. All of this just brought me down to an emotional state that is neither happy nor sad. My mom believed that I was somewhat depressed, however I believe that all my stresses as well as the state of mind I was in made me look like I was depressed. If the lack of smiles were replaced by serious face gestures and emotionless stares at the wall as I contemplate about life, how else would a mother respond?

I basically felt this unnamed feeling between happy and sad--but more towards the negative side--until about the day I moved back into UCLA. These past couple of days have been fun and truly helped me bypass my negative feelings. On Tuesday I moved into my new apartment that I am sharing with five other friends. Not only did I feel welcome but my friends were helpful, nice, and outgoing.

The next morning someone made eggs with potatoes and a couple minutes later Josh, Dennis, Alan, George, and I walked down to JWC for a gym session. After our workout, George, Alan, and I ran about 2.5 miles around the perimeter of UCLA from JWC to Hilgard, then to Le Conte, and finally back up to our apartment. I took a shower then George, Alan, Harrison, and I made a trip to IKEA; which in and of itself is nice because it made us feel independent. As soon as we got back to our place and unloaded all of the things we bought at IKEA the drove down to subway to get something to eat; by then it was 4:00 pm and you bet that we were starving. The rest of the night we just took care of some miscellaneous things, and I helped Alan build his desk/shelf.

Yesterday (Thursday) a bunch of us decided to go Point Dume beach, which is before Zuma beach. George, Alan, Emilie, and I rode top down in George's jeep on the way there and my was it nice. The weather, the air, and the company was refreshing. When we got to the beach we picked a spot, settled in, and played some beach volleyball. The rest of our stay there, we relaxed, and did other typical activities a group of college students would do at a beach. By 4:00 pm we packed up and headed home. We hit a little bit of traffic but all in all it wasn't a bad ride home (especially since we rode top down and shirts off in George's Jeep). We waited about half an hour after we got back to our apartment to head down to Chipotle with George, Alan, Karo, and myself. We were just a couple guys catching up and getting something to eat. I enjoy these kinds of things because I get to go outside, hang out with some friends, socialize, and feel as if I truly was part of the UCLA student body.

Later that night, most of us had even more fun playing some "table" games. For the sake of being succinct, let's just say there were music, games, and good company all well-mixed in one event. I am feeling good...so far.

Today a couple of the guys and I made an effort to clean the dining area and the kitchen. I must say, it was a success!

Relationships

I have a question for everyone out there. What is the difference between a really close friend of the opposite sex and a significant other (girlfriend/boyfriend)? As of 9/9/2009 I think it is the commitment and sexual intimacy that separates the two relationships. If sexual intimacy is truly one of the main differences, then what happens when one engages in sexual activities with their close friend. What does their relationship become?

I feel as though when you have a girlfriend or declare an official relationship with another person, your mindset and attitude towards that person changes. The declaration comes with an obligation--to be loyal, true, kind, and loving--as well as promise of commitment.

Does it matter if two really close friends become sexually intimate? Given that the only difference between being close friends and officially "together" is sexual intimacy then there might not be a big difference. Although, it is true that engaging in such actions complicates the relationship and all the more reason why there exists two different labels. We come across another question, "Why does sex complicate?" The answer to that is mostly dependent on a case-by-case basis. Although, I think it is because sex is special and sacred and as a result come along with feelings.

Once two friends become sexually intimate what are they labeled as? The boundary between the two labels are blurred since we are no longer sure if they are together or just friends? Before attempting to answer the previous question one should ask, "Is a clear boundary important and necessary?" One example where a label would matter is when people outside of the couple are interested in someone within in the couple. This brings up the issue of exclusivity; the option of being exclusive or not it a decision that can be only settled within the couple. However if there is no issue, or in other words allowing one or both parties in the couple to be engage in specific activities with persons outside of the couple, then labeling their relationship should not be an issue.

Recall the situation of the two friends. At this point in their relationship, they have a choice of declaring and officially labeling their relationship whatever they please. That choice is rooted on which option is best (i.e. the option that allows function) for the couple.

On Life

I hope there is a universal theme for everyone as we live our lives and pursue the things we want. Whether it is something as simple as wanting to experience what the world has to offer or to be the best you can be. Maybe you made a promise to yourself to be somebody important or to possess a successful career. Is the universal theme the pursuit happiness? I want to know if there is a universal underlying theme in all of our lives and if there is what is it?